3 Ways to keep the spark in your marriage
Keeping the Spark - Lisa
You got it, you got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
These are words from an old Usher song that was popular when Tony and I were dating. If Tony was with me when the song came on, we’d look into each others eyes, grab each others hands and smile the corniest smile because we knew we had it bad. If he wasn’t with me when I heard the song, my heart was full of love and yet, heavy at the same time because, oh my gosh Usher, how did you know? WE’VE GOT IT SO BAD!!!
Now let me ask you this. Has the spark that was inside of you when you were dating, fizzled out or did it ignite a wildfire of passion in your marriage?
No one dreams of growing up, getting married and one day realizing that the spark is gone.
You may have heard couples say, we just fell out of love.
No you didn’t fall out of love, you took your focus off of fanning the flame in your marriage and turned it to something or someone else.
Just take a look around you the next time you are out. How do couples act around each other? Do they look like they are young and in love or do they look like they are dreading the moments spent together?
Why should we have to settle for less in our marriage? I say its time to fight. Fight to keep the spark in our marriage alive.
Keeping the spark - Tony
Some of my fondest childhood memories came from watching the physical interactions between my parents and Grandparents. I cannot remember a single time that my Grandma and Grandpa Medina were in the same room and not touching. If they were at home talking or watching TV my Grandmothers feet would be resting in Grandpa’s lap and while driving, their hands were always placed one on top of the other.
My Grandma and Grandpa Ramos were no different with an added pinch and squeeze to the side or head for fun. I see those same traits in my parents and laugh because I find myself acting the same way with Lisa.
My Grandfather once said to me “ Always remember that you do not deserve Lisa… you would be good to remember that…None of us do”. Since I have been married these past 17 years I make it a point to start and end my day with those words on my mind, it has served me well both in times of joy and rough waters. I believe it deep in my core and reminding myself of that fact re-ignites the spark that could otherwise tend to fade.
The best advice that I can give is to be intentional, if you do not take the time to remind yourself how undeserving you are, it will be impossible to show your spouse how truly special she is.
There are three simple steps that Tony and I would like to share with you..
Choose to keep your marriage a priority.
Keeping your marriage a priority cannot be captured in a simple statement or bullet point, it requires intentional focus and commitment. When you were dating you went out of your way to show your spouse how much they meant to you, DON’T STOP! Never allow life to simply happen, talk about and be intentional with the things you need to do in order to truly keep your spouse the top priority. Remember, that means, God, Marriage, THEN KIDS! Don’t mix those up.
Find ways to show each other that you are still madly and deeply in love. Write little notes and slip them into the bag they take to work or hang them in places around the house. Find the things that matter most to them. For example, I learned early in our marriage that Tony likes to be welcomed home with a kiss and my full attention once he enters the door. I learned this after a few evenings of him coming home to find my sister and I talking on the phone, which meant he wasn’t getting my full attention. He stood there and kept trying to get me off the phone even when we were in the middle of a conversation. He even verbalized that he wanted me off that phone before he got home. He said it jokingly but I got the point. Now this is where we often miss the mark. Our spouse usually shows us what they need but sometimes its through frustration towards something they don’t like. I could have gotten upset but after we talked I decided to see it as an honor to be the woman who he wanted right there at the door to greet him after a long day at work. Now it is a treasured part of the day I look forward to most, him coming home and being in my arms again. This may seem minor but how many times do we allow these small moments to pass us by? Take the little moments back again!
Go out of your way to date your spouse.
Every time I post a date night or weekend getaway with Tony, I get comments like “That’s so awesome that you and Tony still do that.” or “I wish we could, our kids are just to young” or the saddest of all “my spouse doesn’t like to do dates. Our life is too busy.” When you said I do, you made a commitment to do life together, you became one. Never allow anything to create a wedge. Not a busy schedule, not kids, not laziness! Dates don’t have to be expensive or on a weekend. Tony and I will often grab lunch or breakfast together if our schedules permit during the week day. Tony is BIG about running errands together too. I fight him on this one sometimes because I’m tired or not ready for the day but I’ve learned that these little moments are some of the best. Just being able to talk and be alone without hearing MOM or DAD, you’ll be surprised at how refreshing it is. Plan bigger getaways together too. Even if its once a year and its something small, do it! Talk about places you want to go and things you want to experience together and make it happen. Talk about it often and get excited about it.
Do not allow negative thoughts about your spouse to take root.
The truth is, if you live with a person long enough they will eventually annoy you. That doesn’t mean that your spark is dying out, it means your HUMAN! Get over it!
Tony has really helped me with this. He always talks about optimistic speech and how there are always two ways to say the same thing. One will speak life into your relationship and the other only serves to destroy. For example: rather than concentrating on the few things your spouse does that may rub you the wrong way, speak over what they do that you love most about them and cherish about your relationship. Trust me us on this one. Speaking life into your marriage is vital.
We hope these three points won’t be quickly read and forgotten but will ignite a new spark deep inside of your marriage!
Thank you for all of your love, prayers and support as we get the word out about the month of marriage on Wildfire Breaking Free! We truly appreciate every like, comment and social media share made on the buttons below each post! Your support means more than you know!